Past, Present, and Hopefully Future

So today I was trying to think of something to write about. I was stuck without a thought in my head on what to entertain you folks with and then my friend said to write about myself and the changes I have gone through or made in the last year. I like that concept except I haven't changed or done much in the last year except quit being friends with someone I thought was a good friend who turned out to be not so great and I got a beautiful kitten and an awesome camera for my birthday. What I think I will do is compare the past Terrie with today's Terrie. First let me say when I was a child, I didn't have much of a childhood. I spent most of my childhood in hospitals sick or having surgery. It made me bitter and hateful. I hated anyone who was "normal" in my eyes. I spent my fifth birthday alone in the crippled children's home because it wasn't a visitation day and my family couldn't visit. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, but so you will understand when I tell you how awful I was in my youth. I was always thinking everyone was making fun of me and self conscious about the way I looked. I wanted to fit in but it was like a triangle trying to be a circle, it wasn't going to happen. When I did get a friend to hang out with me I was so controlling and mean they never stuck around for very long because I demanded all of their attention. They weren't allowed to have any other friends besides me. I remember this one girl name Stephanie, who wanted to be friends with me. I made her carry my books, carry my lunch, do my homework, whatever I could think of to make her do I did. One day she dropped the sandwich out of my lunchbox and I screamed and cursed at her for ten minutes straight in front of everyone in the lunchroom. I WAS AWFUL!!!! When I met my first boyfriend I was the same way, of course he was cheating on me all the time so I was right about him. I went for many years like this, treating people terrible (especially my family)and just being a mean, ugly person. Then I started drinking and using drugs. I got even worse then and by the time I was 24 years old I was in rehab. After rehab I learned to take an inventory and write about and deal with my resentments instead of letting them fester and explode. I started realizing I could be nicer and a better person and so I became the Terz you all know and love today. I try to be nice to everyone unless I just am not able and then I avoid them so as not to be ugly. That's not to say I don't have days or moments when I do and say ugly things because I still do. I get better every day though. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, and a recovering alcoholic and addict and I am a better person for all my faults, just for today. I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like I am babbling like an idiot.

My Worst Date EVER

ok people, our government is shut down, things are looking bleak, my hands are killing me as are my legs so I am going to go lighthearted and silly today with my blog post. My best friend Kelli's husband at the time, Jim decided to play match maker with myself and one of his friends. The guys name was Doug Something or other, I wouldn't tell you his real name any way but I can't remember it any way so whatever. So Jim tells his friend about me, the usual she's cute, funny, good personality, yadda yadda yadda. The guy agrees to a date so I get all pretty and smelling good and wait. He shows up and hour late, still I am late a lot myself so no biggie. Then when he shows up he has his three small daughters with him. Apparently though it wasn't his weekend, their mother decided to be "She-Devil" and drop them off to go on his date with him. They were FILTHY. I can't stand to see a kid with dirt and funk on their face it just IRKS me. They kept wanting to touch my face and my hair with their filthy hands, and that's fine I let them because I figured being as filthy as they were they didn't see clean skin very often. He was still dressed in his h.h. Gregg uniform and a dirty black trench coat. I thought we were going out, but since he had the kids we just ate McDonald's and hung out. He got the kids to lie down and they finally fell asleep and like some kind of lizard, he managed to jump me and put me almost in a choke hold. He started kissing my ear (I HATE THAT)and I felt something fall in my hair. Before I could reach up to see what it was (for all I knew he had spiders all in his clothes,or more likely roaches)he was on me like a lizard on a fly with his tongue halfway down my throat. I pulled back and he kept coming forward. I finally disengaged myself from him and he was just grossing me out completely so I told him I didn't think things were going to work out. He got mad, woke his dirty children and left. I found out after he left what was in my hair. He had a breath savor in his mouth and spit it in my hair trying to spit it over my shoulder I guess. EWWWWW. I thought nothing more about him until Kelli called me a few days later. Apparently he told Jim that I got naked, threw my legs over my head and walked on my butt cheeks like Stimpy the cat on Ren and Stempy!! He said I was too aggressive chasing him on my butt cheeks no less, across the house and trying to get with him!! I was horrified at first then I just started laughing and I still laugh to this day thinking about how I couldn't put my legs over my head no matter how hard I tried much less walk on my butt cheeks. I mean seriously dude, you couldn't have come up with a better story?? ugh WORST DATE EVER!!!!!!!!