How NOT to Win Friends And Influence People

I won't say I haven't done this myself, however looking back I realize I wasn't fooling anyone and I looked like a pathetic idiot to boot. What am I talking about? I'm talking about trying to seem like I was doing better,happier, and treated better by my man. I have noticed lately with the anonymity of the interwebs that it is easier for people to lie about how awesome they, their life or most popular their man is, when in reality they are miserable. I did this before myspace, facebook or twitter. I just did the smile and fawn all over my man. No one was fooled though because, depending on which man it was they were either hearing him cuss and scream at me or sleeping with him in the laundromat bathroom. Recently a friend was trying to keep up the farce after two days before calling me to vent about how awful her man is and how he never pays any bills and takes all her money. She called me and was bragging about how he was taking her to dinner somewhere NICE for dinner! A few hours later she calls and we're talking about everything under the sun. I am waiting for her to tell me, but I can't stand it so I ask her where he took her and what she ordered. I'm figuring Red Lobster or some such. She gets quiet then mumbles "Burger King, and I paid."I didn't laugh until I hung up. That's what I'm talking about....don't tell me your man bought you a diamond as big as a walnut when it's a poppy seed sized diamonique. Don't claim he bought a floor length mink coat when you know dern well it's an opossum vest! They're not crocodile shoes they're crocodile patterned house shoes! Seriously stop trying to make it sound like you live in a mansion when we all know if the storms get too windy you're out there throwing tires on your roof. Everyone has something in their life they wish was better or nicer, but when you lie to make it seem better you look like aan idiot. I don't have to lie any more thank goodness, but I wouldn't because I see how stupid it makes someone look.

Happy Mother's Day

My mom is a strong, brave, wonderful woman. She is the bright spot in my life. When I was born in 1968 the doctor's conclusions were that I didn't have much hope for a long and normal life. My mom was told that there was the possibility that I could be retarded, I most likely wouldn't walk etc. Imagine expecting a normal healthy baby. The only surprise she expected was if I would be a boy or girl....they had no tests back then to foretell such deformities as mine. Now imagine they bring your baby in and she's scrunched up with a horribly curved spine. That's what my mother faced. I'm sure she cried (I would have) and despaired. What to do with a gimpy child? She stepped up to the plate and hit it over the wall, that's what she did! She was an Amazon! She did everything she could to make my life normal. She had faith in God and faith in ME! My life hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it has been good. I did everything the doctors said I couldn't and then some all the while with my mom cheering me on. I have so many memories of things my mom did to make me feel special. One of my favorite memories is when daddy worked nights after my sister and I would go to bed my mom would come get one or the other of us back up to watch tv for 30 extra minutes with her. Kind of a little secret extra time with mommie. I always felt special when it was my turn. She always told me how smart I was and even though I was a terror a lot of the time I knew my mom loved me. She listened to me when we talked and was interested in my thoughts and opinions and theories. We have taught each other much and I know I am a better person for having her as a mom. I did a lot of the same things for my daughter when she was growing up that my mom did for me. She inspires me to be a better person. I am so blessed and so grateful for you, Mommie. I love you!! Happy Mother's Day!

How The Quilters Almost Got Me

For those of you who don't know, here in Paducah, Kentucky every year they have "Quilter's Week ". Apparently someone, years ago built a quilt museum here and it attracts them like ants to sugar. Now don't get me wrong, quilts are awesome! They keep you warm in winter and some are very intricate! I learned a little bit about quilting from my grandmother (on daddy's side) when I was a kid so if I had to, like if I were forced at gunpoint I could put together a simple block pattern quilt top quite nicely, but I don't care for it (needles, fingers, blood) so I make jewelry instead. Where was I? Oh yeah so museum and Quilter's everywhere one week in April every year and there are TONS of quilters! I can't say much because I grew up in Paris, Tennessee home of the World's Biggest Fish Fry and a giant catfish on a stick when you come into town! Seriously! A few years ago I was carrying a "quilted " purse during that week and walking down the sidewalk minding my business when I heard a lot of chit chat and what sounded like a lot of people walking behind me. I realized it was the quilters that I had noticed getting out of a big windowless van earlier. They kept looking at me and whispering and I thought I heard the word "prophecy " and so I quickly went the opposite way, but now they were behind me! I guess they had circled around. They were gaining on me so I tried to walk faster, but I'm gimpy and fast is not a word my feet know. Suddenly, they overtook me, surrounding me and I felt a tiny stabbing pain in my arm! One of the ladies took my arm and said "come along quietly dear or we'll be forced to quilt your face onto your dog's head." "You can do that? "I asked in awe. "Well we don't like to, but sometimes we must get drastic! You are the one from the prophecy! " I didn't understand so she heaved a great sigh and said that my purse was the "Quilter's Holy Grail " and I was all "Wellllll to be honest I stole this from my sister..." she looked confused and just as she began to say something....I woke up. Whew! It was all a bad dream, however I never go out during Quilter's Week, I can't find my quilted purse anywhere and if anyone sees my sister please tell her to call home! We miss her since she disappeared ..

Trippin' Down Memory Ln OR Highway To My Own Private Hell

I know, I know it sounds very ominous and maybe it is just a tiny bit anyway. I know I keep promising you guys a funny post and I promise really promise to get it done maybe later today! I was up until 2:00 a.m. this morning hanging out with my beautiful daughter. (Yes we do that from time to time we're cool like that). She has found her half brother, just last week actually and she's very excited, as am I but, yes there's a but, I'm worried which is why I cannot sleep. I don't think she reads my blog so I am safe here saying I'm afraid.I'm afraid because she is going to go meet him and introduce him to their father and I'm afraid she's going to be disappointed, not in her brother,he seems like a wonderful young man, but in her father and how he behaves. I am also afraid because I'm going with her. I haven't seen him in years nor his family, who I adore. I am afraid because I don't want to cause tensions. I never know how her father will react around me. When we were together it was fire and fire until we exploded or burned each other out. We were either wrapped up in each other so tight nothing got through or throwing punches literally. I loved him so much. I still love him as a person and a piece of my past, I always will. I am not even the tiniest bit still in love with him, I have the most wonderful man in the world and I love him with every fiber and cell of my being so that's not an issue. I of course want to look good because, hey exhusband and possibly his girlfriend,yeah I gots to look good because that's what ya do when ya see your ex and his newish woman (they've been together for years). I'm excited because my daughter from another mother is graduating from UT Chattanooga and I will be there to see her finish a goal she's had since she was ten years old. I'm very proud of my Jazzy-J (Jasmine Meadows!!) That's the best part of the trip that and seeing my mother in law, Wendy whom I adore and my sister in law Janie and my sweet niece Ashley, but I'm so very nervous and worried. I love my daughter and I just worry. So here's hoping all goes well and he acts right. The best part about it is she found her brother..she's been looking for him for years. Facebook kinda rocks for that kind of thing. Anywhooooo I promise later today you'll get a funny post, but I had to vent! Someday I'll tell yguys the story of me and my ex and give you the funnier bits.

facebook craziness

Ok here we go...men are not passing out funny smelling business cards that knock women out so they can dream them off to rape parities, people are not making strawberry flavored meth to trick five year olds into smoking it,nor are they passing out LSD infused life savors to to kids (because LSD is expensive and five year olds can't enjoy the trip)I love Jesus, I do not love the devil but I kept scrolling. Also, if you want YOUR info to be private don't hover over MY name and click unsubscribe that will do nothing but remove me from your timeline, that means you won't see anything I post ever again AND THE ALIENS CAN STILL READ YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please copy. And paste this and share with everyone on the interwebs or your neighbor's sister's, dogwalker's cousin's mailman's pet twig will die at midnight after clicking on a still photo and commenting "stop" to see what happens!!! Thank you and goodnight!!!

Hilarious Hard Times

My life hasn't been easy by any means. I'm gimpy, I've been through so many surgeries that they know when I wake up in recovery to have a cup of coffee RIGHT THERE. True story they literally have a hot cup of coffee in hand when I wake up. Tonight's blog is not about my sucky health, it's about hard times I've been through financially. First let me say what everyone is thinking I'm going to say...there was this cute boy...yes,that's right I met a boy while I was at a training school for the handicapped. I looked up and saw him and that was it. I was in looooooove. Of course I'd never been kissed even (I was 19) because all the boys in paris, Tennessee, where I grew up called me scary Terrie and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.After meeting him I turned into a big skank and we were doing "it " everywhere! We got kicked out of school for me sneaking into his dorm while everyone was at dinner. Actually I got caught climbing out a second floor window and shimmying down a tree. We ended up living in an abandoned trailer with no power or water. Let me tell you we had no food, we had to poop in a bucket out back and all we did was sit around, or jump each others bones. It's a miracle I didn't get pregnant at that time! We moved into a tiny apartment after I got out of the hospital with a bad kidney infection. Same thing only we did have water and power. While I was pregnant we lived in a 2bedroom trailer with his mom, his mom's boyfriend, his sister, her two kids and 5 billion giant roaches! I ended up going home to my parents for a while then we moved to Smyrna, Tennessee and by then we had my daughter. That was the time of my potato famine. I had a 10lb bag of potatoes and ranch dressing. That's all I ate for a month. I've had my power turned off so much even now I start trying to figure out what church to call when the power flickers! I've been without food or money. Once my sister found $30.00 in food stamps and ran circles around the trailer hooting because I was down to eating dry parmesan with a spoon! Today I am blessed. I have anything I want to eat, drink, wear, read or do in this world. Make no mistake I have been poor as a church mouse and it was hard and painful, but I made it through and now I can look back and laugh because I'm still here!!

My Daddy

On March 28th 1942, my father came into this world. He was born in Sterling, Tennesse and raised in Murray, Kentucky and Dover, Tennessee. He had two sisters and three brothers (surviving). He and my uncles were buck wild. They get together (though uncle Robert has passed away) and they regale us with tales of their exploits. They were good old country boys who swore, smoked, fought and ran moonshine. That's right my daddy was a moonshiner before it was cool. One of my favorite stories is how they chained the axle of a police car to a telephone pole then they got in their car and peeled out in front of the police car. Of course the police took off after them....for the length of the chain anyway, then the bottom was yanked out from under them. I love that story. My daddy was a wild boy!!! Then he settled down and started a family. I love my mother with my whole heart. She's my best friend but I'm a daddy's girl. When I was little, in between all the surgeries and hospital stays, I went almost everywhere with my daddy. I remember how it felt when he picked me up. I put my arm around his neck and all was right with my world. I went fishing, learned how to fix lawn mowers and helped him by handing him tools when he worked on cars. I got my love of pocket knives from my daddy and my love of coffee and my temper too. When I was a teen, like every teen since the dawn of time I wanted to get away from my parents. I would give anything I have to get those lost years and add them on now. I adore my daddy. He is the greatest man I've ever known. Happy Birthday,Daddy!! I love you more than anything!

The Hardest, but Most Important Thing I've Ever Done

Twenty-four years ago today (in exactly one hour) at 4:54 p.m. I became a mother. I was advised by several doctors to abort. "You're not physically able to carry a baby to term and certainly cannot have one naturally." I cannot tell you how many times I heard that and when I insisted then they went to the "with your disability, and your back the way it is you won't be able to carry it from the couch to the crib! " I just told them "I'll get a baby bed or playpen and put it next to my couch! " So I did! She was 4 1/2 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs. 3 1/2 ounces and she was perfect! She was a little hellion and almost drove me insane, but I did it and did a pretty good job! She's my sun and moon and all the stars in between, my Courtney Rae and I love her with every part of my heart and soul! Now.....she did some hilariously funny stuff when she was little. She would show up on the neighbor's porch and say "I come to eat, I brung my fork. " and they would let her in and feed her! (I knew where she was) She would almost never take a nap and sometimes I would fall asleep and one time when I woke up, she was in the middle of my kitchen table nekkid....covered in crisco! I couldn't hardly get a hold of her she was so slippery! She was a constant source of hilarity. Now in just a few minutes she'll be 24. I am proud of her and myself (a little) because I couldn't ask for a better woman to call "daughter "!!! I love you Babygirl!!

Honey and Vinegar

Ok here comes the wisdom ... "If you take a gallon of vinegar and put one drop of honey in it, would you drink that gallon of honey just desperately hoping to taste that drop of honey?? "This was my fiance Barry's analogy, but I'm stealing it for this blog. When you're in an abusive relationship, whether emotional or physically abusive, this is precisely what you're doing. That drop of honey is the sweetness the abuser (man or woman) uses to reel you in, but soon after you're hooked the vinegar comes in and you keep thinking that they'll change, it'll get better etc. But it won't and here's why. That sweetness wasn't really there. They might love you but they cannot maintain their "good"side because for whatever reason they haven't really got a good side. Abusers need to belittle, control, and sometimes hurt you physically. When you leave and they've lost control you might get a tiny glimpse or taste of that sweetness, but that's because they know it worked before. If you go back chances are it will get worse. I've been in several abusive relationships and due to very low, almost nonexistent I self esteem I stayed much longer than I should have and put up with far more than I would have if I'd had more self worth. The last one never hit me, though he drew back like he was going to once and I threatened to tell his mom. He threw a fork and hit me in the forehead though.When we got together I was almost 30, living in a cute house and going to college. I was maintaining a B average and had a nice car, tons of friends, an adorable house (rented) and was very close to my family. We met at an AA meeting and I thought he was so hot! He bought me gifts, came to see me a lot and after less than a month moved in with me and my daughter. He was always sweet to her too. After he moved in I quit college, I never went to meetings alone if he didn't go I couldn't go or he would pout. I couldn't hang out with my friend's or he would get mad and say I cared more about them than him. If my friends stopped by he would get mad and slam doors and pout. We moved soon after he moved in to a trailer and of course I had to put up the money for everything because he was laid off (fired) then my car just quit working suddenly (I found out he broke it on purpose)after we broke up and my dad looked at it so I had no car and had to beg to borrow his. He would cuss and scream at me all the time for any little thing.(the fork incident was because my daughter sniffled while we were eating) .He started screaming at her all the time and kicked her and broke her tailbone (though at the time I thought he kicked at her and missed) I still feel awful that I didn't leave that instant. I started beauty school and he would show up and just stand outside spying. Towards the end I caught him in my daughter's bedroom standing over her at 3:00 a.m. and it terrified me, but still I didn't leave him..he left me because I was still looking for that drop of honey. Let me tell you now there is no honey and if you're waiting for it to get better, don't because it won't!

Crap

So I was born with scoliosis,I lost a kidney, five toes, an ovary and most of my mind in the last 15 years. Now last December I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and this December (2012) I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis. It seems like I've had more than my fair share of crap flung at me in the last ten+ years and yet I keep waking up and doing my thing. To be honest some days I cry a lot and wonder why me? A dear sweet friend of mine (Melinda) told me yesterday that I have an uplifting spirit. I often wonder why I am here and what the purpose could be for all my suffering because I suffer, quite a lot actually. Here's what I tell myself. It's better to poke fun at my issues and laugh about my afflictions because when I cry I get all snot nosed red puffy eyed Skerry looking splotchy-faced and scare myself when I pass a mirror. There are worse things that could happen and I intend to keep laughing until I'm ready for my dirt nap!! Y'all remember "it'll get better at the end, if it ain't better, it ain't the end! " or some crap like that :)