Gracie Got the Jinkum Blues, Y'all

FAIR WARNING: IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY BATHROOM HUMOR TURN BACK NOW!!! ok so I was in the bathroom peeing, and Gracie comes in and jumps on the back of the toilet, she has never been up there before so she got a little over excited with that and then I stood up and was bent over pulling my pants up and she stuck her nose where it CERTAINLY DOES NOT BELONG and she absolutely lost her mind!! She jumped down, ran in the living room, jumped on the couch and kept spitting (something she often does when over excited) and hopping around wide eyed crazy eyed running amok spazzing out. I was laughing about that and the thought that she quite possibly was freaking out over having her nose in my taint then Barry said it was the jinkum which I never heard of before and while he explained it to me (you people do NOT want to know but if you do google it)I was literally on the floor not able to stand up from laughing so hard. I am still laughing right now as I write this. Y'all just don't know how my brain works seriously I got issues and am probably gonna need hernia surgery from laughing so hard.

3:30 a.m. musings

I have been thinking a lot lately, dangerous I know, but danger is my middle name, yo. I found out a schoolmate of mine passed away suddenly the other day and it made me realize how short our time here with loved ones really is. I have begun to notice recently how fast time goes by (except winter, winter lasts FOREVER)and it is rather distressing. I try to call my mother every few days and talk because I have begun to realize there will come a day when one of us isn't here any more and I don't want to regret neglecting to call her nor do I wish she would regret calling me when we were both here and available to talk. I get wrapped up in things like my photography, which by the way is why I haven't written in so long. I forget to call anyone and then when I finally think of it, it is usually midnight or after and too late to call. Today I heard a quote from T.S. Eliot's The Waste Land and it struck me hard. "I will show you fear, in a handful of dust." wow. What that means to me is that though most people think we fear death, and we do of course, but in reality what we fear is that once we are gone, no one will remember us. We will cease to be. I don't want people to forget me. I want to be remembered. I think that is why when the doctor's are putting me under for surgery or procedures, I freak out a little bit. That darkness. Total darkness. I am afraid that I won't come back from it and I will just cease to be. I also think that is why I am waking up every morning at 3:30 a.m. I just pop awake and that is it I am up. I cannot sleep like I want to. Maybe since I have figured this crap out today I will be able to sleep until six at least tomorrow :D here's hoping anyway.