Tuesday, April 23, 2013

How The Quilters Almost Got Me

For those of you who don't know, here in Paducah, Kentucky every year they have "Quilter's Week ". Apparently someone, years ago built a quilt museum here and it attracts them like ants to sugar. Now don't get me wrong, quilts are awesome! They keep you warm in winter and some are very intricate! I learned a little bit about quilting from my grandmother (on daddy's side) when I was a kid so if I had to, like if I were forced at gunpoint I could put together a simple block pattern quilt top quite nicely, but I don't care for it (needles, fingers, blood) so I make jewelry instead. Where was I? Oh yeah so museum and Quilter's everywhere one week in April every year and there are TONS of quilters! I can't say much because I grew up in Paris, Tennessee home of the World's Biggest Fish Fry and a giant catfish on a stick when you come into town! Seriously! A few years ago I was carrying a "quilted " purse during that week and walking down the sidewalk minding my business when I heard a lot of chit chat and what sounded like a lot of people walking behind me. I realized it was the quilters that I had noticed getting out of a big windowless van earlier. They kept looking at me and whispering and I thought I heard the word "prophecy " and so I quickly went the opposite way, but now they were behind me! I guess they had circled around. They were gaining on me so I tried to walk faster, but I'm gimpy and fast is not a word my feet know. Suddenly, they overtook me, surrounding me and I felt a tiny stabbing pain in my arm! One of the ladies took my arm and said "come along quietly dear or we'll be forced to quilt your face onto your dog's head." "You can do that? "I asked in awe. "Well we don't like to, but sometimes we must get drastic! You are the one from the prophecy! " I didn't understand so she heaved a great sigh and said that my purse was the "Quilter's Holy Grail " and I was all "Wellllll to be honest I stole this from my sister..." she looked confused and just as she began to say something....I woke up. Whew! It was all a bad dream, however I never go out during Quilter's Week, I can't find my quilted purse anywhere and if anyone sees my sister please tell her to call home! We miss her since she disappeared ..

Monday, April 22, 2013

Trippin' Down Memory Ln OR Highway To My Own Private Hell

I know, I know it sounds very ominous and maybe it is just a tiny bit anyway. I know I keep promising you guys a funny post and I promise really promise to get it done maybe later today! I was up until 2:00 a.m. this morning hanging out with my beautiful daughter. (Yes we do that from time to time we're cool like that). She has found her half brother, just last week actually and she's very excited, as am I but, yes there's a but, I'm worried which is why I cannot sleep. I don't think she reads my blog so I am safe here saying I'm afraid.I'm afraid because she is going to go meet him and introduce him to their father and I'm afraid she's going to be disappointed, not in her brother,he seems like a wonderful young man, but in her father and how he behaves. I am also afraid because I'm going with her. I haven't seen him in years nor his family, who I adore. I am afraid because I don't want to cause tensions. I never know how her father will react around me. When we were together it was fire and fire until we exploded or burned each other out. We were either wrapped up in each other so tight nothing got through or throwing punches literally. I loved him so much. I still love him as a person and a piece of my past, I always will. I am not even the tiniest bit still in love with him, I have the most wonderful man in the world and I love him with every fiber and cell of my being so that's not an issue. I of course want to look good because, hey exhusband and possibly his girlfriend,yeah I gots to look good because that's what ya do when ya see your ex and his newish woman (they've been together for years). I'm excited because my daughter from another mother is graduating from UT Chattanooga and I will be there to see her finish a goal she's had since she was ten years old. I'm very proud of my Jazzy-J (Jasmine Meadows!!) That's the best part of the trip that and seeing my mother in law, Wendy whom I adore and my sister in law Janie and my sweet niece Ashley, but I'm so very nervous and worried. I love my daughter and I just worry. So here's hoping all goes well and he acts right. The best part about it is she found her brother..she's been looking for him for years. Facebook kinda rocks for that kind of thing. Anywhooooo I promise later today you'll get a funny post, but I had to vent! Someday I'll tell yguys the story of me and my ex and give you the funnier bits.

Monday, April 8, 2013

facebook craziness

Ok here we go...men are not passing out funny smelling business cards that knock women out so they can dream them off to rape parities, people are not making strawberry flavored meth to trick five year olds into smoking it,nor are they passing out LSD infused life savors to to kids (because LSD is expensive and five year olds can't enjoy the trip)I love Jesus, I do not love the devil but I kept scrolling. Also, if you want YOUR info to be private don't hover over MY name and click unsubscribe that will do nothing but remove me from your timeline, that means you won't see anything I post ever again AND THE ALIENS CAN STILL READ YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please copy. And paste this and share with everyone on the interwebs or your neighbor's sister's, dogwalker's cousin's mailman's pet twig will die at midnight after clicking on a still photo and commenting "stop" to see what happens!!! Thank you and goodnight!!!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Hilarious Hard Times

My life hasn't been easy by any means. I'm gimpy, I've been through so many surgeries that they know when I wake up in recovery to have a cup of coffee RIGHT THERE. True story they literally have a hot cup of coffee in hand when I wake up. Tonight's blog is not about my sucky health, it's about hard times I've been through financially. First let me say what everyone is thinking I'm going to say...there was this cute boy...yes,that's right I met a boy while I was at a training school for the handicapped. I looked up and saw him and that was it. I was in looooooove. Of course I'd never been kissed even (I was 19) because all the boys in paris, Tennessee, where I grew up called me scary Terrie and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.After meeting him I turned into a big skank and we were doing "it " everywhere! We got kicked out of school for me sneaking into his dorm while everyone was at dinner. Actually I got caught climbing out a second floor window and shimmying down a tree. We ended up living in an abandoned trailer with no power or water. Let me tell you we had no food, we had to poop in a bucket out back and all we did was sit around, or jump each others bones. It's a miracle I didn't get pregnant at that time! We moved into a tiny apartment after I got out of the hospital with a bad kidney infection. Same thing only we did have water and power. While I was pregnant we lived in a 2bedroom trailer with his mom, his mom's boyfriend, his sister, her two kids and 5 billion giant roaches! I ended up going home to my parents for a while then we moved to Smyrna, Tennessee and by then we had my daughter. That was the time of my potato famine. I had a 10lb bag of potatoes and ranch dressing. That's all I ate for a month. I've had my power turned off so much even now I start trying to figure out what church to call when the power flickers! I've been without food or money. Once my sister found $30.00 in food stamps and ran circles around the trailer hooting because I was down to eating dry parmesan with a spoon! Today I am blessed. I have anything I want to eat, drink, wear, read or do in this world. Make no mistake I have been poor as a church mouse and it was hard and painful, but I made it through and now I can look back and laugh because I'm still here!!