Saturday, May 31, 2014
So three days ago was my birthday. I turned 46. I was looking back on my life and some of the things I have gone through, surgeries, sickness, scoliosis, abuse, childbirth, motherhood, sisterhood, you name it I have been through it. I was thinking about how strong everyone thinks I am and how nice everyone says that I am and thinking about how awful I used to be when I was younger. I was a terrible daughter, a terrible wife, a terrible mother, a most awful friend and an even worse sister. I was mean. I try now to be a good person, to make up for all the ugliness that I used to be made up of and sometimes I do great, sometimes I fall short. I was going to write a long emotional blah blah blah, but I decided to tell you guys a story about a war I had with our neighbor, George. It will give you an idea of how mean I was when I was younger. So George didn't like me and I certainly did not like him. He would come over when his wife was alive and bring cookies she had baked for me and my sister and tell my sister they were for her but if she wanted to share with me she could but she didn't have to. He would turn the hose on me when I was trying to lay out in the sun. Then he started throwing rotten vegetables in our yard, cigarette butts, rotten meat, you name it. Well then he got some wind chimes and hung them over where they would irritate me because they were right outside my window. I kept getting madder and madder because they were really big and loud. I got to thinking, hey daddy hoards toilet paper, so my sister and I got a roll each and we went out and stuffed each chime on his wind chimes all the way full of toilet paper, taking a stick and poking it up in there real good. They quit ringing after that and he would come out and look at the chimes, I would watch from my window and when he would look up at me I would smirk. He never did figure out what we did lol. I also took the rotten food and threw it in his back door and the cigarette butts and duct taped them to his car, let the air out of his tires so he thought they had leaks, and just generally tormented him. He was awful.....but I didn't have to be that way. I chose to be that way. Today I try to be nice to everyone and help everyone in any way it is possible for me to help. I try not to be hateful or say mean things I will have to apologize for, not necessarily because I am a better person, but I really hate to apologize.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Last fall I met someone that I have come to see as a mother figure. Her name is Carolyn and she is the sweetest, funniest woman. She moved into the apartment across the parking lot from me and I just knew when I saw her that I would like her so I went over and introduced myself. Almost every day since then I go over to her house or she comes to mine and we sit and talk and giggle. I have been taking pictures of nature and birds and have gotten her into looking for birds for me to photograph. We get out and go to the store some days or go hunting for barns to take pictures of and we have so much fun just riding around and acting silly. The first barn we found is what we call "our barn" and we go by there every time she goes with me to the doctor. We stop and get out of the jeep and smoke and look around. I have taken some wonderful pictures of the view through the window of the barn. We go on adventures to different places and she is one of my best friends. She is funny and silly and though some days we are not feeling so great we try to cheer each other up. I am blessed beyond measure with three mothers when most people only get one. I love you, Carolyn!! Happy Mother's Day!!
When I met my fiancé, Barry, I had no idea I would gain another mother. Barry told me when I was going to meet his mother for the first time that she was going to think I was the girl who was stealing her son away from her. Lol you have to know Barry's mom, Norma, to know how funny that is and how not true. When she answered the door, she put her arms around me and hugged me tight and that was that, I had another mother. When we go to visit, she always makes me potato patties and pineapple casserole. She is so good to me. I am not just blessed with my mother, but with Barry's mother too, and let me tell you she raised a good man. She is the sweetest, smartest, most kindhearted woman. I have never felt so accepted and loved by someone outside of my family as I have with Barry's mother. She is intelligent but doesn't flaunt it and she treats me like I am her daughter so when I met Barry I gained a whole other family. How many women do you hear complaining about their in-laws and getting in fights with them? Not me, not Norma. I wish we could be with my mom and Norma today but we can't so I hope they are having a great day. I love you, Norma!! Happy Mother's Day!!
Today is Mother's Day and I am blessed to still have my mother with me. When I was growing up we fought like cats and dogs and I was terrible as a teen. I don't want to think about all the horrible things I have said to my mother in my lifetime. I had no idea how much she loved me, or how much she did for me and put up with from me, until I had a beautiful daughter of my very own. I don't know what I would do without my sweet daughter Courtney. She has grown into a beautiful, strong, intelligent, kind hearted woman that I am so very proud of and blessed to have in my life. I remember how Momma used to get me up after she made us go to bed and let me watch 30 minutes of tv with her when daddy was on nights. I can't convey into words how special my mother has always made me feel. She thinks I am a writer, a purveyor of words, a poet, intelligent, pretty, witty and funny but really she is all of those things and more. My mother is beauty. She is smart, and hilarious, she is a writer, a poet, a songstress (I can't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on top)she is witty and most of all she is mine. God chose her for me because we belong together. I imagine it was frightening to be handed a severely disabled child and not have a clue what to do, and though she thinks she didn't do so well, she did a wonderful job. I love my mother with every fiber of my being. Who I am today was shaped by all the fun and silly things, all the touching and special things, all the creative ways she made my sister and I feel special and loved are what made me who I am and for that I am so very grateful. I love you, mommie. Happy Mother's day!!