Thursday, December 26, 2013
Yesterday was Christmas day, 2013. I am 45 years old so that means I have lived through 45 Christmas celebrations. I don't remember the first few obviously, but the first Christmas that I really remember is when I was about five or six years old and we had an aluminum tree. I was in the Christmas pageant at church and I remember rehearsing my lines over and over in the car and at home before going and then getting up in front of everyone and freezing up. I couldn't utter a single syllable. The next Christmas that I can recall I was in third grade I believe, we lived at 1103a East Wood Street in Paris, Tennessee. I remember that my sister and I were supposed to be asleep and we had left Santa an apple, of all things. We were whispering and listening when we heard a noise in the attic. There were footsteps, and then a crash, and lots of curse words I won't repeat here and then we heard the gifts being put under the tree and crunching as he ate the apple. It was a familiar voice. That is when we discovered that Santa and our father were the same guy. I don't remember any other Christmas until we lived on Manley street. Then it was all about telling our parents what we wanted and hoping we got it. Our family wasn't rich, but I don't remember ever being disappointed at Christmas as far as gifts that we wanted. However there was one thing that always happened to me every single year if I got a Barbie doll. I don't know why, but every Barbie doll I ever got broke immediately after I got it out of the box. Either the arm, leg, head or one time the whole thing broke in half. I called it the Barbie curse. I also refused to play at all with my sister unless she played with the broken doll. One year when the doll head fell off I just smooshed it down onto the neck until it stayed put and then she had no neck and I made my sister play with "no neck Barbie ". I was a horrible sister. Anyway I was remembering all of this and thinking how blessed we were then and how blessed we are now. Even with the curse on my Barbie dolls Christmas was always special and magical to me. I hope everyone had as good a Christmas as I did and many more to come. I'll be funny next blog just reminiscing this time around.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
I have never really had what you would call a "Good" day. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, I don't know what I am missing so it's all good. I tell you this so you will understand why I think the way I do about other people's lives. I have always been sick, or in pain. ALWAYS. I don't really ever feel like doing anything much besides getting on the computer or reading. A nurse told me that one step for a normal person is like ten steps for me. Think about that for a minute. Think of all the steps you took today, now multiply that by ten. I have a dear friend who is an actress and living in New York. She had a movie come out last month and she is always posting pictures of her life, parties, working on movies, going to dinner with friends. I watch movies about the fast paced lives some people lead and I cannot wrap my head around it. I cannot imagine being able to run errands and go to dinner on the same day much less do any of the things other people do. I look at them and think, "Is that real? What does that feel like?" I am 45 years old and just realizing that there is a whole world of people out there, living lives and doing things I cannot even imagine and here I sit on my couch. I guess I am rambling but it just struck me this morning that my world is truly so small, but there is a world out there where people are living and having all kinds of exciting lives. I told my actress friend this morning that I wish I could be her for one day because one day would wear me out, but if I were healthy and normal and her for one day, I might not want to change back! I know there is a reason for everything and all of that jazz, God made me this way for a reason, but I sure wish he had given me just a little more energy and good health.
Monday, December 9, 2013
I have several best friends. I actually wrote a blog about them a while back, but I also have a couple of friends whose relationship is....different to say the least. One such friend was Eugene Whitten. Eugene and I met in around 1993 and we were instant friends. He was loud and obnoxious and sooooo very hilarious. I was living in Rutherford, Tennessee and going to AA meetings in Milan, Tn and one day there he was, in all his craziness. He was a big man (around 380 to 400 lbs at his largest when I knew him)and we were like two peas in a pod. He came to visit me a couple of weeks after we met and stayed a few days in the tiny town of Rutherford and we had the BEST time!! My favorite memory is of Gene (wearing my big flowered bright housecoat), my daughter and myself running around in the grocery store shopping and for some reason we started yelling out the fruits that were available. Just walking along and belting out "Cantaloupe, peaches, watermelon, kumquat and pickled beets!!" I am still not sure how that last one got in there. Pickled beets. Pickled beets. Pickled Beets became his nickname for me. I always thought I should have been something cute like kiwi or star fruit, but he picked Pickled Beets. He became my kumquat though sometimes he signed his cards or notes to me as Kiwi. As it does life moved on. I found love and moved to Paducah and we lost touch for a while then came facebook and he found me on there and added me and I sent him my number and address and of course the cards rolled in. He would send me birthday, Christmas, or just everyday "I am thinking of you" cards. He would call me every week or two to check on me and we would talk for hours giggling and just being silly. Recently, he had to have surgery so he wouldn't be in touch for a few months and I was just thinking about him a few days ago and wondering how he was doing. My sister called me yesterday and told me he passed away. We are not even sure when or how, but my Kumquat is gone. My funny, loud, silly friend who often called me Smack Madam (if I needed a bath) and I would call him Jemima Puddleduck for the children's book, this special friend who made me cackle at the things he said is gone. I wish I could even begin to explain how I feel right now because though it doesn't seem real. I missed him before, but now it seems there is a Kumquat sized hole in my heart. I will miss you so much, Kumquat. I loved you dearly, Gene. Rest in peace.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Everyone has friends. Some people have a lot of friends (Like me, I'm poplar y'all and yes I spelled that wrong on purpose). Growing up I didn't have a lot of friends, I was grounded a LOT due to my smart mouth, but that is beside the point. When I was in first grade I had my very first "Best friend in the whole wide world". Her name was Eddie Russell and I loved that girl so much. Of course we grew up, made other friends and grew apart. I had another best friend in junior high school, but I was stingy and didn't want her to have other friends so when she got another friend that she hung around with, I quit being her friend. Then I met Kelli Jo. We had so much in common, and she was part of the "popular" crowd which the former friend and I had looked at and longed to be a part of, and here I was now, friends with one of the popular girls!! Kelli Jo and I were best friends for three years until sophomore year, when another girl kind of wedged her way between us. I threw my signature fit and gave Kelli and ultimatum and we stopped being friends for a long time. That is when I started being friends with Sonya Parish, my neighbor. We had so much fun hanging out, eating French fries and doing our make up and hair. We were best friends. I would ride to school with her and her brother, Curt who was always so nice to me. Then I quit school because I had so many health problems and Sonya graduated and went to college and became a teacher, I am so proud of her. Curt her brother is a dear friend of mine now, he is a computer geek like my fiancé Barry, now and we still talk almost daily on the Facebook. The only friend from my childhood that I was still in touch with was Craig Gregory, whom I had been in love with for several years in Junior high and high school.I got over that and he went and joined the service and retired from the Air Force a few months ago. I floated around with a few friends during my adult years and then when I got pregnant with my daughter I found out Kelli Jo was pregnant too. We had been feuding for several years over stupid things one or the other of us said or did, but I truly missed her, and that phantom friend pain was terrible. When we were pregnant we started talking again, albeit tentatively, and it was like we were never apart. Kelli and I are best friends to this day and even though I have a lot of friends, and I call them all my bestie, Kelli Jo is the one true constant friend in my life. Back a few years ago I had made a new friend, she was handicapped too and we got really close, then she got a divorce and lost her mind, running around doing drugs, staying out all night, making meth in her bathtub and such and I got worried about her daughter who was three our four years old being in amidst all that crazy and I snitched to her ex. I hate a snitch unless there is a child involved I would never tell on a best friend, but I had to that one time because I was terrified for the child. She quit speaking to me for a long time then we started hanging out again in 2009 after I almost died. She was still off her rocker, running wild and partying all the time. A few months ago we stopped being friends again because she got with a crazy man, literally he is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and she told him I said a bunch of crazy stuff that I didn't say and he was sending me threatening emails and text messages talking about having his vengeance on me for trying to destroy his life. I just stopped talking to her because I was afraid and she started calling and sending hateful messages on facebook so I blocked her. I have that phantom friend pain every once in a while, missing her a little bit mostly because she understood my pain and being sick all the time, but I have a new friend, Summer who actually loves me. We have so much fun together and she has a lot of health issues too and so we compare our sicko problems and hang out as often as we can. She is really awesome and she is one of the best friends I have ever had besides Kelli Jo. Kelli and I have the kind of friendship that will last forever. I know if I called her right now at 6:00 a.m. and asked her to come get me she would, no questions asked, even though she lives two hours away. Kelli is the friend that it wouldn't just be a periodic phantom pain, it would tear my heart out and leave me bleeding and helpless, dying on the floor, if we ever stopped being friends again. Someone said the other day that the term best friend is childish and clingy, I don't feel that way. I have many, many friends and I call several of them my "bestie" because they are all the best. I love them all equally, but in different ways. I guess this is just mostly me rambling, but I wanted to tell you all my theory of best friends and what the term means to me. I love Kelli Jo just a tiny bit more though, because she is my soul mate as far as friends go. She is the sister of my heart. She makes me laugh so hard it hurts over absolutely nothing but a look. We giggle over everything when we are together and no one gets me like she does. We know each other better than we know ourselves and I wanted to pay tribute to her. I love my best bestie and if that is childish and clingy then I am proud to be that. I am up way too early, with way too little coffee in my system so if this makes no sense that is why. I love you, Kelli Jo.
Friday, October 11, 2013
So today I was trying to think of something to write about. I was stuck without a thought in my head on what to entertain you folks with and then my friend said to write about myself and the changes I have gone through or made in the last year. I like that concept except I haven't changed or done much in the last year except quit being friends with someone I thought was a good friend who turned out to be not so great and I got a beautiful kitten and an awesome camera for my birthday. What I think I will do is compare the past Terrie with today's Terrie. First let me say when I was a child, I didn't have much of a childhood. I spent most of my childhood in hospitals sick or having surgery. It made me bitter and hateful. I hated anyone who was "normal" in my eyes. I spent my fifth birthday alone in the crippled children's home because it wasn't a visitation day and my family couldn't visit. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, but so you will understand when I tell you how awful I was in my youth. I was always thinking everyone was making fun of me and self conscious about the way I looked. I wanted to fit in but it was like a triangle trying to be a circle, it wasn't going to happen. When I did get a friend to hang out with me I was so controlling and mean they never stuck around for very long because I demanded all of their attention. They weren't allowed to have any other friends besides me. I remember this one girl name Stephanie, who wanted to be friends with me. I made her carry my books, carry my lunch, do my homework, whatever I could think of to make her do I did. One day she dropped the sandwich out of my lunchbox and I screamed and cursed at her for ten minutes straight in front of everyone in the lunchroom. I WAS AWFUL!!!! When I met my first boyfriend I was the same way, of course he was cheating on me all the time so I was right about him. I went for many years like this, treating people terrible (especially my family)and just being a mean, ugly person. Then I started drinking and using drugs. I got even worse then and by the time I was 24 years old I was in rehab. After rehab I learned to take an inventory and write about and deal with my resentments instead of letting them fester and explode. I started realizing I could be nicer and a better person and so I became the Terz you all know and love today. I try to be nice to everyone unless I just am not able and then I avoid them so as not to be ugly. That's not to say I don't have days or moments when I do and say ugly things because I still do. I get better every day though. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, and a recovering alcoholic and addict and I am a better person for all my faults, just for today. I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like I am babbling like an idiot.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
ok people, our government is shut down, things are looking bleak, my hands are killing me as are my legs so I am going to go lighthearted and silly today with my blog post. My best friend Kelli's husband at the time, Jim decided to play match maker with myself and one of his friends. The guys name was Doug Something or other, I wouldn't tell you his real name any way but I can't remember it any way so whatever. So Jim tells his friend about me, the usual she's cute, funny, good personality, yadda yadda yadda. The guy agrees to a date so I get all pretty and smelling good and wait. He shows up and hour late, still I am late a lot myself so no biggie. Then when he shows up he has his three small daughters with him. Apparently though it wasn't his weekend, their mother decided to be "She-Devil" and drop them off to go on his date with him. They were FILTHY. I can't stand to see a kid with dirt and funk on their face it just IRKS me. They kept wanting to touch my face and my hair with their filthy hands, and that's fine I let them because I figured being as filthy as they were they didn't see clean skin very often. He was still dressed in his h.h. Gregg uniform and a dirty black trench coat. I thought we were going out, but since he had the kids we just ate McDonald's and hung out. He got the kids to lie down and they finally fell asleep and like some kind of lizard, he managed to jump me and put me almost in a choke hold. He started kissing my ear (I HATE THAT)and I felt something fall in my hair. Before I could reach up to see what it was (for all I knew he had spiders all in his clothes,or more likely roaches)he was on me like a lizard on a fly with his tongue halfway down my throat. I pulled back and he kept coming forward. I finally disengaged myself from him and he was just grossing me out completely so I told him I didn't think things were going to work out. He got mad, woke his dirty children and left. I found out after he left what was in my hair. He had a breath savor in his mouth and spit it in my hair trying to spit it over my shoulder I guess. EWWWWW. I thought nothing more about him until Kelli called me a few days later. Apparently he told Jim that I got naked, threw my legs over my head and walked on my butt cheeks like Stimpy the cat on Ren and Stempy!! He said I was too aggressive chasing him on my butt cheeks no less, across the house and trying to get with him!! I was horrified at first then I just started laughing and I still laugh to this day thinking about how I couldn't put my legs over my head no matter how hard I tried much less walk on my butt cheeks. I mean seriously dude, you couldn't have come up with a better story?? ugh WORST DATE EVER!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I was thinking today, while waiting in the car for Barry to get some things in Sam's Club I spent some time alone with myself. This is something I rarely do any more since all the electronic geegaws have entered my life. Between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,and Angry Birds I don't really sit quietly by myself and think any more. It was nice. I had a nice visit with me. Anyway I was thinking about my life and all the people who have come and gone. I was thinking about life and how it is kind of like a castle. Every person is a room with a door. I have many rooms. Some have been closed off for ages and some need to be locked and chunked out the window of another room into the moat. Some are warm and inviting and bring joy and comfort. Some are destroyed beyond repair, yet I haven't bothered to shut and lock the door on them for fear I might miss that room. There is no comfort in those rooms, the walls have holes, profanity spray painted on the ceiling and the floors are torn up, yet I didn't want to close them off...to let them go. I have nicer rooms, rooms with a fireplace, my favorite book and a cup of coffee. Rooms that make me happy. Yet I continued to hold onto those nasty, filthy, trashy rooms because I was afraid to close the door. I recently learned that those rooms bring nothing but pain. I closed a door I didn't want to close because leaving it open was like allowing raw sewage to creep into the rest of the castle. I closed the door and I was afraid. I was afraid I would miss that room, but I don't. The rest of the rooms had told me for years that room didn't belong here in my castle. The day I closed that door my life got cleaner and better and happier. I have many rooms in my castle. The ones I choose to keep are warm and bright and filled with joy, love and goodness. If you think you'll miss someone if you cut them completely out of your life, you will keep holding on and going into that dirty filthy mess and you might miss some of the nicer rooms you haven't explored yet. When you're wading through all the raw sewage in a dank dark nasty room, you could be sipping coffee in a bright, warm, joyful room filled with love. This may not make sense, but it's been a while since I spent time with me so I am not sure if I am nuts or not.
Friday, August 23, 2013
For a while now I have been trying to convince my dear friend that Koala bears are not some cute fuzzy little bear, they are pure, undiluted evil. They will sneak in your home at night and murder you, then rip your face off and wear it to trick your less intelligent friends and family members into letting them in so they can murder them, rip their faces off and wear their faces.....you get the idea. Yesterday I was perusing Facebook and a friend of mine was watching Nat/Geo Wild and said there was something about Koala bears having chlamydia. That is right your heard me. CHLAMYDIA!! What is going on in the Koala community? And more importantly is this some new tactic to get people to think they are cute little victims of sexually transmitted disease? Something is up with those little tricksters and we need to be on our toes because the next thing you hear there will be a new strain of chlamydia going from koala bears to humans. I can't understand why no one sees their evil but me. Either way something wicked this way comes.....it smells of eucalyptus and the clap. BEWARE!!!!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Today I was on facebook early this morning (my new kitten Gracie likes to launch herself at my head like a little velvet missile with claws)at five thirty or six a.m. every morning. Anyway I was perusing facebook as I do every morning, telling folks happy birthday and such and I came across something that gave me a chill. One of my exes (yes I have a few gimpy girls need love too) anywho I was overwhelmed with a sick feeling just looking at his name. I won't tell you dear readers what his name is because it's not my place and even writing it makes me sick. I have seen his wife's (the girl he left me for)profile and she is always happy this and oh how good my life is that but I know better. I lived with him for a year and he is a terror. He is controlling to the point that when I walked to my GIRL friend's car to borrow some lipstick he screamed at me for three hours and threatened to beat me because he thought I was trying to get with her. He abused me emotionally and verbally but never physically, sometimes that is worse. He also abused my daughter who was nine at the time. I was thinking about why people get on facebook and lie about how wonderful their lives are and had to write this down and get it out. I don't lie when I tell you I am happy I am telling the truth. I have a wonderful life now with a man who is super duper laid back and awesome. I go where I want when I want if I want and he smiles and says have fun. I know what this woman is going through because I lived it myself and I just cannot seem to grasp why women lie and act like they are happy and being treated well. He never hit me but I know he hits her. I don't know dear readers (all four of you lol) I guess since getting away and getting a better happier life I don't understand anymore. I acted like he was wonderful when I was with him too. Is it just an instinct to pretend it's all roses and romance when it's really not? Can someone explain to me why we lie and protect to the bitter end the one who hurts us the most?? I don't know the answers. If you do please let me know. As for me I am happy except of course I am awake on a Saturday at 8:08 a.m. because of a furry missile. My life is good and I am just going to enjoy it and if any of you figure out this mystery give me a holler cause I am lost.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Day before yesterday, my dear sweet friend Danny Jones passed away. I met Danny in 1993 in AA when I started going to meetigs in Milan, Tennessee. He was one of the first people to come up to me and introduce himself and welcome me to the group. He was one of the sweetest, funniest, most kind hearted people I have ever known. I would go to Greenfield and pick him up and take him to meetings or take him home afterwards because he didn't drive.He would reach over when I least expected it and goose me in the ribs yelling "BEEP-BEEP!!" And that would scare the crap out of me!! One night he did that and I almost ran off the road! He had had several strokes and heart attacks and lost a lot of his memory so he lived with his mother and did not drive. His mother was always watching what he ate and he was always sneaking food in that he was not supposed to be eating. He asked my sister and her husband at the time to bring him some B-rite chicken and put it in the mailbox one night and stood outside eating his mailbox chicken. One time he had a minor heart attack (is there really any such thing?) and was in the hospital in Martin when I was living there and going to school. He had called while I was at a meeting and left a message on my answering machine. He sounded terrible and desperate. "Terrie, please call me when you get home!!" I called him and he said "Yeah can you run over to Tony's before they close and get me a pizza with everything on it and bring it to me??" LOL I thought something was terribly wrong like another heart attack and he wanted a midnight pizza delivery to the CCU at the hospital!! I called the nurses desk and they said I could bring it so I took him a pizza at midnight. He had us also smuggle in a bag of O'Boisies potato chips while his mom was there and when she was in the bathroom we hid them under his night stand! He was always doing crazy stuff like that. There was a campout every year at Paris Landing and he rented a room at the hotel and let me and my daughter stay with him. I was in charge of giving him his meds. He grabbed the container and took what I thought was the whole days worth at one time!! Scared me silly! It was just one does of each med but man I was wigging! He was just so funny and so sweet and good hearted and my heart is hurting right now but I have so many funny memories of him. He will be missed. I loved him and pray his family has as many funny stories and memories as I do to comfort them.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Ok so in 2009 I was in the hospital after having bowel obstruction surgery. I was having trouble breathing so the doctor's first thought was they were over medicating me, which is just silly since I am a recovering addict with super tolerance. Soooo they gave me narcan which sucks all the narcotics out of your system at once. I've been on pain meds for years (at the time I was wearing a fentanyl patch). I had a seizure and the hallucinations began. I thought I went through some kind of horrible portal to a place called Orgrimmar (a place in world of warcraft) where everyone looked like the people from Avatar (waaaay before avatar came out with previews) then they realized I had flash edema, and my lungs were full of fluid. My O2 was at 68. That's when they took me to the ICU and I began a weird journey into crazy town. I decided they were stealing my pain meds and giving them to Michael Jackson who was dead. I thought his kids stole my nephew. There was a troop of tiny circus performers living under my bathroom tiles and I was in Afghanistan at one point talking to my IV pole and heart monitor because they were soldiers guarding me. The fan kept telling me the nurses were tricking me.I kept asking where all the cats came from and then I thought I had to fart....it wasn't a fart. I crapped all over the bed and told the nurse "I think that chili made me sick! " I hadn't eaten in two weeks. I finally came to, tied to the bed with blood on my hands. I asked Barry if I had a psychotic break and he said no you just kept trying to get up to go find your nephew. All the while my lips were cracked and bleeding (hence the blood) and stuck to my teeth my hair standing on end and eyes bugging out. Barry said when I asked how I looked "Horrifying " lol. What's weird is though I know they were hallucinations, they still seem like real memories....
Monday, June 10, 2013
My sister and I have not always seen eye to eye. I wasn't the easiest sister to have. Tammy was born three and a half years after I was for one thing, then there was the fact that she had to grow up in the shadow of my disabilities. That is no easy task for a child. I was sick a lot and in the hospital a lot and whenever possible my mother tried to stay at the hospital with me which was hard on my sister because she was shuffled from house to house and family member to family member. There were times when my mom couldn't stay with me like when I was in the crippled children's home for nine months in a body cast to heal up after bone grafts in my back. My parents came every week to see me for two hours a week and since it was in Memphis it was a long drive so Tammy was left behind for that too. I can't imagine how she felt being left behind at such a young age (2 years)and not understanding why. I was so resentful of her for so many years and jealous of her honestly I didn't realize until I was reading something a friend wrote the other day and I realized, I am not the only one to have suffered because of my disabilities. My sister suffered too. Sooooo this post is a toast and a cheer to my sister. I am sorry for what you had to go through, Tambo, it was not fair at all and I just want to say I love you and even though we have our differences sometimes, you are stronger than you think. I am lucky to have you and grateful to have you. This might be a bit mushy for y'all but I felt it needed to be said.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I won't say I haven't done this myself, however looking back I realize I wasn't fooling anyone and I looked like a pathetic idiot to boot. What am I talking about? I'm talking about trying to seem like I was doing better,happier, and treated better by my man. I have noticed lately with the anonymity of the interwebs that it is easier for people to lie about how awesome they, their life or most popular their man is, when in reality they are miserable. I did this before myspace, facebook or twitter. I just did the smile and fawn all over my man. No one was fooled though because, depending on which man it was they were either hearing him cuss and scream at me or sleeping with him in the laundromat bathroom. Recently a friend was trying to keep up the farce after two days before calling me to vent about how awful her man is and how he never pays any bills and takes all her money. She called me and was bragging about how he was taking her to dinner somewhere NICE for dinner! A few hours later she calls and we're talking about everything under the sun. I am waiting for her to tell me, but I can't stand it so I ask her where he took her and what she ordered. I'm figuring Red Lobster or some such. She gets quiet then mumbles "Burger King, and I paid."I didn't laugh until I hung up. That's what I'm talking about....don't tell me your man bought you a diamond as big as a walnut when it's a poppy seed sized diamonique. Don't claim he bought a floor length mink coat when you know dern well it's an opossum vest! They're not crocodile shoes they're crocodile patterned house shoes! Seriously stop trying to make it sound like you live in a mansion when we all know if the storms get too windy you're out there throwing tires on your roof. Everyone has something in their life they wish was better or nicer, but when you lie to make it seem better you look like aan idiot. I don't have to lie any more thank goodness, but I wouldn't because I see how stupid it makes someone look.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
My mom is a strong, brave, wonderful woman. She is the bright spot in my life. When I was born in 1968 the doctor's conclusions were that I didn't have much hope for a long and normal life. My mom was told that there was the possibility that I could be retarded, I most likely wouldn't walk etc. Imagine expecting a normal healthy baby. The only surprise she expected was if I would be a boy or girl....they had no tests back then to foretell such deformities as mine. Now imagine they bring your baby in and she's scrunched up with a horribly curved spine. That's what my mother faced. I'm sure she cried (I would have) and despaired. What to do with a gimpy child? She stepped up to the plate and hit it over the wall, that's what she did! She was an Amazon! She did everything she could to make my life normal. She had faith in God and faith in ME! My life hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it has been good. I did everything the doctors said I couldn't and then some all the while with my mom cheering me on. I have so many memories of things my mom did to make me feel special. One of my favorite memories is when daddy worked nights after my sister and I would go to bed my mom would come get one or the other of us back up to watch tv for 30 extra minutes with her. Kind of a little secret extra time with mommie. I always felt special when it was my turn. She always told me how smart I was and even though I was a terror a lot of the time I knew my mom loved me. She listened to me when we talked and was interested in my thoughts and opinions and theories. We have taught each other much and I know I am a better person for having her as a mom. I did a lot of the same things for my daughter when she was growing up that my mom did for me. She inspires me to be a better person. I am so blessed and so grateful for you, Mommie. I love you!! Happy Mother's Day!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
For those of you who don't know, here in Paducah, Kentucky every year they have "Quilter's Week ". Apparently someone, years ago built a quilt museum here and it attracts them like ants to sugar. Now don't get me wrong, quilts are awesome! They keep you warm in winter and some are very intricate! I learned a little bit about quilting from my grandmother (on daddy's side) when I was a kid so if I had to, like if I were forced at gunpoint I could put together a simple block pattern quilt top quite nicely, but I don't care for it (needles, fingers, blood) so I make jewelry instead. Where was I? Oh yeah so museum and Quilter's everywhere one week in April every year and there are TONS of quilters! I can't say much because I grew up in Paris, Tennessee home of the World's Biggest Fish Fry and a giant catfish on a stick when you come into town! Seriously! A few years ago I was carrying a "quilted " purse during that week and walking down the sidewalk minding my business when I heard a lot of chit chat and what sounded like a lot of people walking behind me. I realized it was the quilters that I had noticed getting out of a big windowless van earlier. They kept looking at me and whispering and I thought I heard the word "prophecy " and so I quickly went the opposite way, but now they were behind me! I guess they had circled around. They were gaining on me so I tried to walk faster, but I'm gimpy and fast is not a word my feet know. Suddenly, they overtook me, surrounding me and I felt a tiny stabbing pain in my arm! One of the ladies took my arm and said "come along quietly dear or we'll be forced to quilt your face onto your dog's head." "You can do that? "I asked in awe. "Well we don't like to, but sometimes we must get drastic! You are the one from the prophecy! " I didn't understand so she heaved a great sigh and said that my purse was the "Quilter's Holy Grail " and I was all "Wellllll to be honest I stole this from my sister..." she looked confused and just as she began to say something....I woke up. Whew! It was all a bad dream, however I never go out during Quilter's Week, I can't find my quilted purse anywhere and if anyone sees my sister please tell her to call home! We miss her since she disappeared ..
Monday, April 22, 2013
I know, I know it sounds very ominous and maybe it is just a tiny bit anyway. I know I keep promising you guys a funny post and I promise really promise to get it done maybe later today! I was up until 2:00 a.m. this morning hanging out with my beautiful daughter. (Yes we do that from time to time we're cool like that). She has found her half brother, just last week actually and she's very excited, as am I but, yes there's a but, I'm worried which is why I cannot sleep. I don't think she reads my blog so I am safe here saying I'm afraid.I'm afraid because she is going to go meet him and introduce him to their father and I'm afraid she's going to be disappointed, not in her brother,he seems like a wonderful young man, but in her father and how he behaves. I am also afraid because I'm going with her. I haven't seen him in years nor his family, who I adore. I am afraid because I don't want to cause tensions. I never know how her father will react around me. When we were together it was fire and fire until we exploded or burned each other out. We were either wrapped up in each other so tight nothing got through or throwing punches literally. I loved him so much. I still love him as a person and a piece of my past, I always will. I am not even the tiniest bit still in love with him, I have the most wonderful man in the world and I love him with every fiber and cell of my being so that's not an issue. I of course want to look good because, hey exhusband and possibly his girlfriend,yeah I gots to look good because that's what ya do when ya see your ex and his newish woman (they've been together for years). I'm excited because my daughter from another mother is graduating from UT Chattanooga and I will be there to see her finish a goal she's had since she was ten years old. I'm very proud of my Jazzy-J (Jasmine Meadows!!) That's the best part of the trip that and seeing my mother in law, Wendy whom I adore and my sister in law Janie and my sweet niece Ashley, but I'm so very nervous and worried. I love my daughter and I just worry. So here's hoping all goes well and he acts right. The best part about it is she found her brother..she's been looking for him for years. Facebook kinda rocks for that kind of thing. Anywhooooo I promise later today you'll get a funny post, but I had to vent! Someday I'll tell yguys the story of me and my ex and give you the funnier bits.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Ok here we go...men are not passing out funny smelling business cards that knock women out so they can dream them off to rape parities, people are not making strawberry flavored meth to trick five year olds into smoking it,nor are they passing out LSD infused life savors to to kids (because LSD is expensive and five year olds can't enjoy the trip)I love Jesus, I do not love the devil but I kept scrolling. Also, if you want YOUR info to be private don't hover over MY name and click unsubscribe that will do nothing but remove me from your timeline, that means you won't see anything I post ever again AND THE ALIENS CAN STILL READ YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please copy. And paste this and share with everyone on the interwebs or your neighbor's sister's, dogwalker's cousin's mailman's pet twig will die at midnight after clicking on a still photo and commenting "stop" to see what happens!!! Thank you and goodnight!!!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
My life hasn't been easy by any means. I'm gimpy, I've been through so many surgeries that they know when I wake up in recovery to have a cup of coffee RIGHT THERE. True story they literally have a hot cup of coffee in hand when I wake up. Tonight's blog is not about my sucky health, it's about hard times I've been through financially. First let me say what everyone is thinking I'm going to say...there was this cute boy...yes,that's right I met a boy while I was at a training school for the handicapped. I looked up and saw him and that was it. I was in looooooove. Of course I'd never been kissed even (I was 19) because all the boys in paris, Tennessee, where I grew up called me scary Terrie and wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.After meeting him I turned into a big skank and we were doing "it " everywhere! We got kicked out of school for me sneaking into his dorm while everyone was at dinner. Actually I got caught climbing out a second floor window and shimmying down a tree. We ended up living in an abandoned trailer with no power or water. Let me tell you we had no food, we had to poop in a bucket out back and all we did was sit around, or jump each others bones. It's a miracle I didn't get pregnant at that time! We moved into a tiny apartment after I got out of the hospital with a bad kidney infection. Same thing only we did have water and power. While I was pregnant we lived in a 2bedroom trailer with his mom, his mom's boyfriend, his sister, her two kids and 5 billion giant roaches! I ended up going home to my parents for a while then we moved to Smyrna, Tennessee and by then we had my daughter. That was the time of my potato famine. I had a 10lb bag of potatoes and ranch dressing. That's all I ate for a month. I've had my power turned off so much even now I start trying to figure out what church to call when the power flickers! I've been without food or money. Once my sister found $30.00 in food stamps and ran circles around the trailer hooting because I was down to eating dry parmesan with a spoon! Today I am blessed. I have anything I want to eat, drink, wear, read or do in this world. Make no mistake I have been poor as a church mouse and it was hard and painful, but I made it through and now I can look back and laugh because I'm still here!!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
On March 28th 1942, my father came into this world. He was born in Sterling, Tennesse and raised in Murray, Kentucky and Dover, Tennessee. He had two sisters and three brothers (surviving). He and my uncles were buck wild. They get together (though uncle Robert has passed away) and they regale us with tales of their exploits. They were good old country boys who swore, smoked, fought and ran moonshine. That's right my daddy was a moonshiner before it was cool. One of my favorite stories is how they chained the axle of a police car to a telephone pole then they got in their car and peeled out in front of the police car. Of course the police took off after them....for the length of the chain anyway, then the bottom was yanked out from under them. I love that story. My daddy was a wild boy!!! Then he settled down and started a family. I love my mother with my whole heart. She's my best friend but I'm a daddy's girl. When I was little, in between all the surgeries and hospital stays, I went almost everywhere with my daddy. I remember how it felt when he picked me up. I put my arm around his neck and all was right with my world. I went fishing, learned how to fix lawn mowers and helped him by handing him tools when he worked on cars. I got my love of pocket knives from my daddy and my love of coffee and my temper too. When I was a teen, like every teen since the dawn of time I wanted to get away from my parents. I would give anything I have to get those lost years and add them on now. I adore my daddy. He is the greatest man I've ever known. Happy Birthday,Daddy!! I love you more than anything!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Twenty-four years ago today (in exactly one hour) at 4:54 p.m. I became a mother. I was advised by several doctors to abort. "You're not physically able to carry a baby to term and certainly cannot have one naturally." I cannot tell you how many times I heard that and when I insisted then they went to the "with your disability, and your back the way it is you won't be able to carry it from the couch to the crib! " I just told them "I'll get a baby bed or playpen and put it next to my couch! " So I did! She was 4 1/2 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs. 3 1/2 ounces and she was perfect! She was a little hellion and almost drove me insane, but I did it and did a pretty good job! She's my sun and moon and all the stars in between, my Courtney Rae and I love her with every part of my heart and soul! Now.....she did some hilariously funny stuff when she was little. She would show up on the neighbor's porch and say "I come to eat, I brung my fork. " and they would let her in and feed her! (I knew where she was) She would almost never take a nap and sometimes I would fall asleep and one time when I woke up, she was in the middle of my kitchen table nekkid....covered in crisco! I couldn't hardly get a hold of her she was so slippery! She was a constant source of hilarity. Now in just a few minutes she'll be 24. I am proud of her and myself (a little) because I couldn't ask for a better woman to call "daughter "!!! I love you Babygirl!!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Ok here comes the wisdom ... "If you take a gallon of vinegar and put one drop of honey in it, would you drink that gallon of honey just desperately hoping to taste that drop of honey?? "This was my fiance Barry's analogy, but I'm stealing it for this blog. When you're in an abusive relationship, whether emotional or physically abusive, this is precisely what you're doing. That drop of honey is the sweetness the abuser (man or woman) uses to reel you in, but soon after you're hooked the vinegar comes in and you keep thinking that they'll change, it'll get better etc. But it won't and here's why. That sweetness wasn't really there. They might love you but they cannot maintain their "good"side because for whatever reason they haven't really got a good side. Abusers need to belittle, control, and sometimes hurt you physically. When you leave and they've lost control you might get a tiny glimpse or taste of that sweetness, but that's because they know it worked before. If you go back chances are it will get worse. I've been in several abusive relationships and due to very low, almost nonexistent I self esteem I stayed much longer than I should have and put up with far more than I would have if I'd had more self worth. The last one never hit me, though he drew back like he was going to once and I threatened to tell his mom. He threw a fork and hit me in the forehead though.When we got together I was almost 30, living in a cute house and going to college. I was maintaining a B average and had a nice car, tons of friends, an adorable house (rented) and was very close to my family. We met at an AA meeting and I thought he was so hot! He bought me gifts, came to see me a lot and after less than a month moved in with me and my daughter. He was always sweet to her too. After he moved in I quit college, I never went to meetings alone if he didn't go I couldn't go or he would pout. I couldn't hang out with my friend's or he would get mad and say I cared more about them than him. If my friends stopped by he would get mad and slam doors and pout. We moved soon after he moved in to a trailer and of course I had to put up the money for everything because he was laid off (fired) then my car just quit working suddenly (I found out he broke it on purpose)after we broke up and my dad looked at it so I had no car and had to beg to borrow his. He would cuss and scream at me all the time for any little thing.(the fork incident was because my daughter sniffled while we were eating) .He started screaming at her all the time and kicked her and broke her tailbone (though at the time I thought he kicked at her and missed) I still feel awful that I didn't leave that instant. I started beauty school and he would show up and just stand outside spying. Towards the end I caught him in my daughter's bedroom standing over her at 3:00 a.m. and it terrified me, but still I didn't leave him..he left me because I was still looking for that drop of honey. Let me tell you now there is no honey and if you're waiting for it to get better, don't because it won't!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
So I was born with scoliosis,I lost a kidney, five toes, an ovary and most of my mind in the last 15 years. Now last December I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and this December (2012) I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis. It seems like I've had more than my fair share of crap flung at me in the last ten+ years and yet I keep waking up and doing my thing. To be honest some days I cry a lot and wonder why me? A dear sweet friend of mine (Melinda) told me yesterday that I have an uplifting spirit. I often wonder why I am here and what the purpose could be for all my suffering because I suffer, quite a lot actually. Here's what I tell myself. It's better to poke fun at my issues and laugh about my afflictions because when I cry I get all snot nosed red puffy eyed Skerry looking splotchy-faced and scare myself when I pass a mirror. There are worse things that could happen and I intend to keep laughing until I'm ready for my dirt nap!! Y'all remember "it'll get better at the end, if it ain't better, it ain't the end! " or some crap like that :)
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Ok this is a fictional story. It didn't happen and even if it did it wasn't me and you can't prove it was and even if you could the statute of limitations has run out...I think...anyway it's fiction! So my sister Tammy and I had met a girl and for the protection of me (honestly she might kick my butt) we will call her Josephine because I don't actually know anyone named Josephine! So Tammy (her real name) and I had started hanging with this girl and this one night the three of us and another girl who I can't remember even what she looks like much less her name so I'll call her Jenna. So we had gotten some alcohol and been drinking A LOT and I don't know who had the idea to do crank calls but Josephine started dialing numbers and getting hung up on when some dude named Chuck (real name) answered. He starts flirting and she invites him over. He ended up being creepy (go figure) so we ran him off berating him and calling him names. We were mean. Then she starts dialing again and the next guy that shows up is cute and driving a nice Lincoln Town Car so Josephine and the dude (Marty maybe?)go back to the bedroom and Tammy, Jenna and I get bored real quick and we notice dude left his car keys.....we all jumped up and I grabbed the keys and though I didn't have my pillows (I'm short) we decided I was oldest so I was the driver! I was also the least drunk so there was that too! We drove down every back road in Henry County and discovered a fancy camera and a cooler of beer which we proceeded to guzzle with gusto! We finished his roll of film with pics of the steering wheel, our feet, the glove box and floor board. We smashed his cooler (it was styrofoam (sp?) When we finally got back he was waiting, nostrils flaring, smoke and flames coming out his ears! When I saw him waiting I panicked and hit the gas instead of the brakes and ran into the garage door!! He was threatening to call the po-po and we told him "go ahead pervert we'll be happy to tell them you were having sex with Josephine here who's only 16!!"Well that shut him up and Tammy kicks his car and screams "Be gone creepazoid!! "And stomps/staggers back to the house! She walked inside and leaned against the wall and yelled "Knife and forrrk!! " she slid down the wall in a heap and passed out. It would have been one of the most eventful nights of my misspent youth....if it were true!! ;)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
First let me explain the difference between "taking up for" someone and "white knighting." Taking up for someone is saying "hey leave them alone you're being a jerk!" White knighting is more like a back-handed compliment, like "hey leave them alone they can't help it that they're all crippled up and can't do anything!" You're telling them to leave me alone but calling me useless at the same time. Rude. I will give you an example of when someone was white knighting me. I was four years old and in a body cast. It was Halloween and I didn't get to go trick or treating. Our neighbor,( apparently in a drunken stupor I've recently discovered) decided that just would not do! Every passel of kids that came to her door had to follow her,staggering over to our side of the duplex and when we let them in she would point at a spot next to me on the floor (she was drunk lol) and yell at those kids "Look at that poor crippled girl!! Look at her!! She's crippled and can't go trick or treating like you can!! Give her some of your candy!!" Even though I got more candy that year than any other year I was so embarrassed I wanted to crawl under something, but I had on a body cast and there was no place to hide! So, if you wanna take up for me be my guest but don't white knight the gimpy girl...she will cut you!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Your first Valentine's Day with someone is always important ...the romance is fresh and new and it's all glowing smiles and sparkling eyes...my first Valentine's Day with Barry started out rocky/hilarious. I had bought paper hearts, and made a big homemade card and hung above the bed, I painstakingly made a sweet trail of paper hearts from the front door to the bedroom where I had lit candles and put his gift on his desk. I waited and I heard him come in from work and waited for him to follow the trail ...and waited...and waited. I heard him stop outside the door thinking he was anticipating or excited but I hear instead muffled giggling. "What's so funny? I'm trying to be sexy here? " I thought to myself. I opened the door and he's standing there looking at the floor cracking up. I look and the cats have slapped the paper heart trail and it was now leading to the litterbox! Every time I try to be sexy that's the crap that happens! Like flipping my hair then rolling it up in the car window. Driving down the road sucking in my cheeks and the hot guy in the car next to me smiling because he sees my hair hanging out the window....walking into a concrete pole while looking at a cute guy looking at me...backed into a telephone pole ....you get the idea. We had a great night that night, he took me to Capone's a fancy restaurant and put the gift certificate for a spa day in my menu. I'm such a goof I don't even try anymore to be sexy but if I do decide to try again I'm sure I'll have a new story to share! Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day I thought I would share an embarrassing story about a cute boy with long hair that I semi-stalked in college!! First of all let me say I have this obsession with boys who have long hair and if I can get away with it I will touch their hair or if I'm really lucky they let me run my fingers through it, though they usually only let me do that once because I tend to squeal and giggle maniacally. So I had been following this blond guy around surreptitiously (well as surreptitiously as a gimpy girl with a bad limp and humpback can) and this fine spring day I was outside smoking. I usually smoked a few puffs then put it out and saved the rest for later. I was standing there when hot blond guy (that's still what I call him I never knew his name) walked up and started talking to me. At first I looked behind me and all around because I thought he couldn't be talking to me, but he was! So we chit chat and I put my cigarette out and put the other half in my backpack and go inside (bumping into the door because I was still looking at hot blond guy) I was standing outside the computer lab waiting for my friend Sylvia. Someone stuck their head out of the door and sniffed the air and said "I smell fireworks! " I looked to my left and.....FLAMES were shooting up behind my head!!! While ogling hot blond guy, I failed to notice my cigarette wasn't out when I put it in my backpack so while I stood there it smoldered and caught my backpack on fire!! I ran-hobble-limped to the water fountain and put it out and almost died of embarrassment! This is why cute boys with long hair get me in trouble every time!! I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
When I was with my daughter's father (my babydaddy)it was the little things that made me happy. He was a lying liar who cheated constantly and smacked me around on a regular basis. Though I did have a few instances of sweet, sweet vengeance. I fractured his skull with a 1974 Chevy Nova car door. I knocked him out "cold " with half a gallon of ice cream and I crapped the bed with him in it. Yes, you read that right. Here's what happened....I was very sick with my kidney poisoning me slowly and he would go out every night (whoring around) and leave me home so sick I literally had to crawl to the bathroom sometimes. Well we had gone to bed and I guess in my dream I though it was a fart....it wasn't. I crapped the bed. I mean it was all over the bed. In my hair on my pillow down to my ankles and all over him too. I got up, got a shower, made myself a bed on the loveseat (with garbage bags under the sheets) and went back to sleep. I slept hard until I heard him say "what the hell? " I went into the bedroom and he's covered head to toe with drying crap and looking mightily confused. He looks at me and says "How the hell did I crap that much and not have anything INSIDE my underwear?? " yes indeed sometimes it's the little things.. :-)
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Growing up handicapped I was always picked last for any sport and I was made fun of on a daily basis. When I got old enough to wear makeup I made sure to learn how to do my makeup flawlessly. I loved seeing the difference when I was finished and since I never got invited out I would practice all the time doing different makeup techniques and cutting and styling my own hair. I also figured out that as long as I was inside my car I looked like a "normal " pretty girl. I would go out cruising and a few times boys who knew me would try to pick me up until they realized it was me (they usually didn't realize it until I pointed it out) . This caused an epiphany. No one much noticed my face when I was walking around because they were staring at the hump on my back. This led to a whole new set of insecurities and caused me to panic when a cute boy wanted me to get out of my car and talk. As soon as they saw all of me they were outta there most of the time. Now I'm getting older I've started realizing that the people who see me in my jeep parked in a handicap spot get angry and some have actually berated me for taking a spot I don't need. Then I get out of the jeep and they're put in their place and I smirk at them as I hobble into Walmart to get a scooter and shop. Here's the thing though.....I too am guilty of judging people by their "covers ". I think to myself "why is that huge man/woman in that scooter? " or "Being fat is not a handicap it's a choice!!" I get mad and think how I wish all I had to do to look great and be healthy is lose a few pounds! Here's where I am learning how wrong (and hypocritical) I really am acting. I realize now not everyone who is overweight is a glutton. The person I am judging may have health issues that cause them to be bigger. I am learning that if I don't want to be judged then I shouldn't judge others. It's a sometimes painful lesson. Soooooo the moral of today's story is....instead of making up a story about what you see on a person's outside, think about what could be on their inside because you want the same from those who might see and judge YOU!!!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I have been thinking back on past relationships the last few days. At the moment I am in a wonderfully loving relationship with my soul mate, but before Barry (or BB if you like) I had some doozies (and douchies). Let us start with my very first love, that loved me back,we'll call him "Dick "because that's what my friend called him because he knew I was with a "Tom, Dick, or Harry." So I met him at a training school for the disabled where I went to get secretary training. He had jet black hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. The first thing I noticed was how long his hair was cause I have a thing for long hair. He was so hot! I met him one day when I was sitting and staring into space feeling home sick. He walked by and said "hey, cheer up it can't be that bad." I just smiled. I stole him away from all the girls. We were volatile to say the least. He cheated all the time and was physically abusive,though I must admit I gave what I got in that department! I hit back. We had a child, and got married. I left him too many times to count but I always went back. He dislocated my jaw, I fractured his skull with a 1974 Nova car door. He slapped me around I kicked him in the nuts. What kept me going back? The hope he had changed, and sex. Sex was great with him. That's why he had so many affairs, 44 girls that I know of anyway! I finally left him and had a lot of one nighters and then I got sober. I met another guy who we'll call William. He was cute and sparks flew, but he was controlling. He didn't let me go anywhere or speak to anyone, he even purposely broke my car and left it at his uncle's house so I couldn't go anywhere. He was abusive to my daughter and one night I woke up to find him standing over her staring angrily. I was getting ready to leave him when I caught him cheating and he left me. Finally I found real love. The deep down to the bottom of your soul, this is the one love. He is so good to me. He's intelligent (something the others weren't) he's hilarious and I mean make you pee your pants funny, he's so handsome and just awesome. Always go for love,though it hasn't yet, lust will fade and passions will cool, but true, deep, lasting real love lasts!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Ok a while back B and I went to see the parents (mine) and my daddy is now making knives with deer antler handles,they're very nice, anyways on the way home I was playing that game "what's in the box, bag, bucket, or barrel, you know that game where you try to guess which body parts might be in the boxes, bags, buckets, or barrels you see tossed on the side of the road? I usually only end up with lots of heads or arms and legs, but not a lot of torsos (sp?) Anyways I was playing and then I got bored since I hadn't noticed any torso sized receptacles, and my mind drifted to thinking about all the dead deer (Bless their hearts) just lying about. Well then I start thinking how I wish I could get their antlers for my daddy cause that sure would make him smile! I'm thinking about how I could get out there with a knife or hatchet and get some antlers then I think, man if someone saw this short gimped up hunch backed girl out there hacking antlers off the dead deer, my what a sight I bet that would freak people out! So then I think what if I got out there and had fake blood all over my face and hands and maybe had a blood capsule and bit it so I had blood coming from my mouth and turned and smiled as the cars whizzed by....so I tell B all of this and he says "No don't smile it would look scarier if you just stared and kinda held up your hatchet. " I tell y'all I love that man more than coffee AND chocolate!!! So tell me dear readers (of which I think I have one) how twisted am I??
Friday, January 18, 2013
This is my very first blog so give me a little slack. I'm not the dullest crayon in the box, but I'm not the brightest either. Today I am just writing a short "about the author (that's me) " then we'll move onto the wisdom part,such as it is anyway ...I am 44 years old, almost 45 . I was born with severe congenital scoliosis,which means for me anyway, my spine is curvy (like a slinky) . All the other crap that's wrong with me, and there's a lot, came later. I am a mother of a 23 year old woman who makes me proud every day. I am a recovering alcoholic/addict and an all around twisted person, in more ways than one! I will hopefully have a few followers (not Jim Jones size maybe but a few) . Anyway that's a tiny taste O' Terrie!!