Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"Knife And Forrrrk "

Ok this is a fictional story. It didn't happen and even if it did it wasn't me and you can't prove it was and even if you could the statute of limitations has run out...I think...anyway it's fiction! So my sister Tammy and I had met a girl and for the protection of me (honestly she might kick my butt) we will call her Josephine because I don't actually know anyone named Josephine! So Tammy (her real name) and I had started hanging with this girl and this one night the three of us and another girl who I can't remember even what she looks like much less her name so I'll call her Jenna. So we had gotten some alcohol and been drinking A LOT and I don't know who had the idea to do crank calls but Josephine started dialing numbers and getting hung up on when some dude named Chuck (real name) answered. He starts flirting and she invites him over. He ended up being creepy (go figure) so we ran him off berating him and calling him names. We were mean. Then she starts dialing again and the next guy that shows up is cute and driving a nice Lincoln Town Car so Josephine and the dude (Marty maybe?)go back to the bedroom and Tammy, Jenna and I get bored real quick and we notice dude left his car keys.....we all jumped up and I grabbed the keys and though I didn't have my pillows (I'm short) we decided I was oldest so I was the driver! I was also the least drunk so there was that too! We drove down every back road in Henry County and discovered a fancy camera and a cooler of beer which we proceeded to guzzle with gusto! We finished his roll of film with pics of the steering wheel, our feet, the glove box and floor board. We smashed his cooler (it was styrofoam (sp?) When we finally got back he was waiting, nostrils flaring, smoke and flames coming out his ears! When I saw him waiting I panicked and hit the gas instead of the brakes and ran into the garage door!! He was threatening to call the po-po and we told him "go ahead pervert we'll be happy to tell them you were having sex with Josephine here who's only 16!!"Well that shut him up and Tammy kicks his car and screams "Be gone creepazoid!! "And stomps/staggers back to the house! She walked inside and leaned against the wall and yelled "Knife and forrrk!! " she slid down the wall in a heap and passed out. It would have been one of the most eventful nights of my misspent youth....if it were true!! ;)

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